i need to stop being a manbaby fuckwit loser but the adult world makes me sick. i'm not even lazy, i can WORK and i KNOW things, but every time i look at this world it's like i'm stuck on nightmare mode goggles. i thought i could just walk through life ignoring it and doing my own thing but it almost killed me and now i'm regressing back into the womb, puer aeternus maxxing and using what little good qualities i have to strategically escape my tormentors. part of me thinks this is the only way for real people to survive, like you're supposed to reject the external world and look inward, but i'm stuck i need guidance from a mentor or a higher power. my practice boils down to jerking myself off in the astral plane with my anima spirit, but that's not going to bring me enlightenment, no matter how many times i nut balls deep into my subconscious. i've lived in a hundred different lifetimes in my head, i've gained intimate knowledge through sheer force of will, yet it's not enough.